So recently I saw many people in my team get awards... Now, awards have been my Achilles heel since ages. My sister ..always an achiever had an entire file which was full of certificates and her study table was decorated with medals she had won in sports, in dance, in music, in academics in debates and declamations... My parents being all queen of awesome never made me feel jealous or motivated and therefore i never did anything great but believed that i am great. Then during one annual day function i was included in a group dance (thanks to my sister's reputation) and shockingly for me everyone in that group had to run back on stage once the dance was finished as they were all getting some or the other award. That day I felt so bad that i made a resolve to win one myself. I worked really hard and I remember before I left Apeejay Saket, I received a tiny piece of paper which said... "certificate of appreciation" in a beautiful cursive hand writing. I remember just looking at it, seeing the color of the blue ink and admiring the penmanship ... and even though i was happy i couldn't help but compare it the certificate of merits just lying on my sisters desk.
And so ended my inglorious primary years of education, with absolutely no achievement to boast of. I moved out of my sister's shadow and into another school which gave me many more opportunities to grow. I boy did i use them to the fullest... i tried my hand at karate(pun intended!), at dancing, at public speaking ...all in a span of 6 years that were by far my favorite. Still..when it came to awards my jholi was always khaali :( . And i saw how easily some other people would get rewards. I tried hard to get a rank, but it was always difficult with such boring subjects such as biology and civics... then i did dancing and became quite well known for it. I hated the teacher but listened to her and attended all classes and everything. Still the award went to a girl who was her neighbor. Amicable personality, most potential, standing out personality... nthn..though if you were to ask me i thought i was all those things.
It was the age of internet, and new websites were popping up like flowers in spring time...and along came this new one with quizzes on all topics called "MindZones.com". A family friend's son competed and won a certificate and a gift, and my Mom implied that i should do sth similar. My friend who had exhausted her number of tries gave my email id and finally cracked one quiz but since website ran out of medals, gave a certificate. My school though had a policy of writing citations for every child and then I thought maybe now the teachers would see what an amazing person I am. And again i was disappointed... everyone else' citations were so personal.. like so and so can be found helping out students in a corner...so and so always brings smile to everyone's face... mine were so formal...it looked as if teachers didn't know me at all. This however was a big blow to my confidence.
College, well ...no chance...i only wasted my 4 years here.
Office life started with a small company...with less than 100 people. Here at least i thought i would shine. But here i saw people getting awards for a change who deserved them. anyhow, 5 years passed without any appreciation of certificate or gift vouchers... my colleagues went on from one success to another and i was stuck. not even a team award! i thought my luck must be really bad....
B-School was a repeat of A school...
and so... when everyone in my current team started getting awards...the familiar dreaded sense of shame mixed with frustration started to creep up on me.
I got a Bravo award. That i believe is the least level of award that can be given by the supervisor. It has hurt me so much. I at least expected a POB. And then i heard about who else got one, one of my friends was laughing how he got Associate of month; he said that he didn't even do anything and was chilling from home!, from my team a guy who hasn't solved an issue on his own is getting a technical excellence award!...the unfairness of this whole situation is just so...heart-breakingly familiar to me...
To get the least level award is insulting..but more so as it is the only award that i have gotten in 8 odd years of my life....The misery of getting lowest award getting compounded by the fact that i only have such a tiny thing to show. and once again i find myself reading it again and again... This time however i am not even able to admire any penmanship any ink...and the certificate of merit seem more distant than ever ...
And so ended my inglorious primary years of education, with absolutely no achievement to boast of. I moved out of my sister's shadow and into another school which gave me many more opportunities to grow. I boy did i use them to the fullest... i tried my hand at karate(pun intended!), at dancing, at public speaking ...all in a span of 6 years that were by far my favorite. Still..when it came to awards my jholi was always khaali :( . And i saw how easily some other people would get rewards. I tried hard to get a rank, but it was always difficult with such boring subjects such as biology and civics... then i did dancing and became quite well known for it. I hated the teacher but listened to her and attended all classes and everything. Still the award went to a girl who was her neighbor. Amicable personality, most potential, standing out personality... nthn..though if you were to ask me i thought i was all those things.
It was the age of internet, and new websites were popping up like flowers in spring time...and along came this new one with quizzes on all topics called "MindZones.com". A family friend's son competed and won a certificate and a gift, and my Mom implied that i should do sth similar. My friend who had exhausted her number of tries gave my email id and finally cracked one quiz but since website ran out of medals, gave a certificate. My school though had a policy of writing citations for every child and then I thought maybe now the teachers would see what an amazing person I am. And again i was disappointed... everyone else' citations were so personal.. like so and so can be found helping out students in a corner...so and so always brings smile to everyone's face... mine were so formal...it looked as if teachers didn't know me at all. This however was a big blow to my confidence.
College, well ...no chance...i only wasted my 4 years here.
Office life started with a small company...with less than 100 people. Here at least i thought i would shine. But here i saw people getting awards for a change who deserved them. anyhow, 5 years passed without any appreciation of certificate or gift vouchers... my colleagues went on from one success to another and i was stuck. not even a team award! i thought my luck must be really bad....
B-School was a repeat of A school...
and so... when everyone in my current team started getting awards...the familiar dreaded sense of shame mixed with frustration started to creep up on me.
I got a Bravo award. That i believe is the least level of award that can be given by the supervisor. It has hurt me so much. I at least expected a POB. And then i heard about who else got one, one of my friends was laughing how he got Associate of month; he said that he didn't even do anything and was chilling from home!, from my team a guy who hasn't solved an issue on his own is getting a technical excellence award!...the unfairness of this whole situation is just so...heart-breakingly familiar to me...
To get the least level award is insulting..but more so as it is the only award that i have gotten in 8 odd years of my life....The misery of getting lowest award getting compounded by the fact that i only have such a tiny thing to show. and once again i find myself reading it again and again... This time however i am not even able to admire any penmanship any ink...and the certificate of merit seem more distant than ever ...
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